Two days ago, I had one of the worst nights I lived in here. Someone passed away in my neighborhood. In the silence of the night, all I could hear was the sound of grief. The guy was screaming hard for his mother. I couldn’t sleep that night and all my thoughts lingered to the day when I lost my aunt this year. I couldn’t sleep all night. I could listen to the pain in the cries. The next morning wasn’t pleasant either. I tried to drown myself in work. Trust me, my coworker didn’t make my day any better. In my head, all I could think was about the death and departed souls of my family. My soul was aching to share this incident with someone or just wipe out the memory of that night. Suddenly, I felt lonely in the city I loved the most. I started contemplating all my decisions in life, of living alone, of returning here again. I returned to my friends, but sadly everyone has a partner and I am still riding solo. I somehow started to feel lonelier. I thought I would stop sulking about being single. But now all I can think about is “being lost in the crowd.”
That night would haunt me for a while. I know it’s a part and parcel of life. But I am tired of coming home to an apartment. I want to come home to a person. I hope the universe was listening to this cry of my soul. I feel I have committed uncountable sins to land alone in life. In a few days, I am turning another year old and there is no one by my side to understand my urge for a vacation. I thought I could gather all my courage and move out solo. But all thanks to the new COVID variant, vacation is a luxury or a health hazard now. I wish I could save my soul from dying a miserable death. I hope one day I find a company for my soul, rather than my life. My mind is a mess and my world is silent right before the storm.
nidhantrika 