I always thought stepping inside college would be difficult without friends. I spent four years or maybe more loving and caring about a few, then parted ways for all good in life. Today, I returned to college after 10 years and the feeling was gut-wrenching. My eyes were welled-up at the first glimpses of college. My legs were shaky when I took the first step at the entrance. I lived many romantic days on campus. I lived numerous teary afternoons at the library. Standing inside the classroom brought jitters and thousands of memories back. I fought my past memories and walked out today smiling.
The best day of my year would be walking together with a friend who has been there by my side since college. I have lost count of the years we know each other, but seldom express the struggles of our lives. She has been an inspiration for me since college. She knows how to smile on tough days and emerge stronger. Swati is family my college gifted me and today we both stepped into a room full of memories. We lived the days together.
The highlight of the day was meeting our teachers – Ashok Sir, Anshuman Sir, and Dakshya Sir. It’s a true saying that – ‘Teachers always remember their students. It brought tears to my eyes that my teachers remember my full name. At times, my client doesn’t remember my full name or can’t pronounce it correctly. But when a teacher stated that ‘we miss you, the students aren’t like you anymore’, well that is a compliment a thousand promotions can’t level up. I cannot express in words the feeling of pride on our teacher’s face. I would cherish the feeling forever of returning back to college and being remembered.
It took 10 years to return to this place and walk down the nostalgia road. I miss my own love story today but all flashbacks and scribbled ink on the lab desk are remnants of my past. I stood there and looked for my identity once, I had love to give. Today, I have an identity but when I stood at the gate, there wasn’t any love.
What does the man of my dream look like? I pondered over this question asked a million times. A year back, I didn’t have the answer to this. I dreamt about him and finally, when I met him, I was like living a dream in my lifetime. He was a dream beyond mere words. I wish I could bottle his fragrance in a bottle and smell it whenever I missed him. He was a poetry ringing in my ears. I wish I had read him before going to bed every night.
Then I read somewhere that you never marry the man of your dream. Women open their hearts to believe in love and are loved back. However, a handful of us gets a chance to get loved unconditionally. When I was reading ‘Desperately seeking Shah Rukh’, I wanted to hug each woman mentioned in the book. I could relate to the woman who loved a foreign and enjoyed his company. She got to eat her meals with him. Trust me, it is difficult to dine alone and then learn to accept your own company. Companionship has been misinterpreted as a happily married couple or a committed relationship. I have been interviewed by many matrimonial prospects. No one knows the definition of companionship. Some men want a full-time housekeeper, and some wish to have a chef-cum-wife. No one spoke about how they wanted to grow old. You choose a companion to grow old together. Fantasies die as you age, the society often preached. ‘Desperately seeking Shah Rukh’ brought painful memories of heartbreak. I recalled the way a parlor owner made fun of my complexion. She told me I had to work on myself and shed some kilos. There is no Shah Rukh waiting for me. I was merely 16 at that point in time. I didn’t understand the meaning correctly, but I was furious. I never stepped in that parlor again citing my imperfect eyebrow threaded by that woman. The book brought stories and SRK connections across India. Women from all classes and walks of life were united by the SRK love. I felt the author wrote everything I wanted to say at this age, where I am unmarried and still looking for a life partner. Being single, your dating life is a topic of discussion everywhere, with your consent or without it. No one understands how you feel when the jokes land on you. No one ever tries to ask you about your mental health. You seek companionship but not at the price of your dignity.
Some books dive into your soul and say out loud things a reader always wanted to say. I found Shrayana’s book spoke volumes about the life of an unmarried woman, status of a single woman, and the plight of an unhappy woman in a marriage. I have stopped looking for the man of my dreams. But I haven’t lost hope of a companion in my life. I might arrive late to the party but I will sail through the hurricane holding his hand. I don’t yearn fairy-tale but I wish some of the magic moments still be true.
Blurb: In this pathbreaking work, Shrayana Bhattacharya maps the economic and personal trajectories–the jobs, desires, prayers, love affairs and rivalries–of a diverse group of women. Divided by class but united in fandom, they remain steadfast in their search for intimacy, independence and fun. Embracing Hindi film idol Shah Rukh Khan allows them a small respite from an oppressive culture, a fillip to their fantasies of a friendlier masculinity in Indian men. Most struggle to find the freedom-or income-to follow their favourite actor.
Bobbing along in this stream of multiple lives for more than a decade-from Manju’s boredom in ‘rurban’ Rampur and Gold’s anger at having to compete with Western women for male attention in Delhi’s nightclubs, to Zahira’s break from domestic abuse in Ahmedabad-Bhattacharya gleans the details on what Indian women think about men, money, movies, beauty, helplessness, agency and love. A most unusual and compelling book on the female gaze, this is the story of how women have experienced post-liberalization India.
My rating: 5/5
Review: I have a lot of things to say as a woman and as a Shah Rukh Khan fan. The author touched upon every aspect of an Indian woman seeking love and companionship. The book is a detailed analytical study drawing conclusions about the post-liberalization scenario in India. I grew up watching Shah Rukh’s movies and to date, his movie songs bring smiles and glitter to my eyes. In my 30s, now I have made peace with the fact that there will be no one like SRK. Rather, there is no man on this earth to romance like SRK or even treat women the way they deserve to be treated. The women described in the book depict a population fighting for their rights. Women want to be treated equally and respected in every profession, be it Vidya or Gold. The crowd turned to SRK for the way he behaved and treated women around him. I agree with the statement in the book where it was mentioned that SRK has been brought around women who were independent and this might be the way he has been molded to behave throughout.
“My standards are as high as Shah Rukh!” – This sparkling statement made in the chapter ‘Engineering Shah Rukh’ made me believe, yes maybe that’s the reason I am single in my mid-30s and not ready to compromise for anything lesser. Anyone reading this would think, I am oblivious of the fact that SRK is a star. But, I want to clarify that if a man can be 1% like SRK in the way he treats women, that man will be one-of-a-kind. “Shah Rukh sees us” – Women love SRK due to this statement quoted in the book, whereas women are invisible to many men.
I feel I could pick up every line written in this book and continue writing how I personally felt through the reading journey. “You cry, read, watch old Shah Ruh romances, pick yourself, and attempt to sift through the remains of the city’s romantic detritus” – It took me back to the era when I was heartbroken and the one thing that brought joy to my life was the song – ‘Tujhe dekha toh yeh jana sanam’. The world seems unfair to women who desperately seek romance and not merely sex or children. The author tried to generalize women’s fantasies about an actor or even sex. DDLJ was the most watched movie by women. It’s one of my favorite movies and I can watch it an infinite number of times. Every time I watch it I smile. I know it is a fictional character yet I want to believe in the love story shot in the Alps.
Every chapter in this book reminded me of a lesson that I was already aware of, as a woman. Women dedicate themselves to children and family, yet their source of entertainment was always in jeopardy. Men ask if women can cook well, but do they themselves know how to cook WELL and keep their women happy. “If men were tested as much as women are. Very few people would get married, or maybe boys would learn to take care of themselves”
I can continue writing paragraphs but I would draw a line here. I would recommend women read this book and not get deviated by the title.
Some of the fav lines from the book (Trust me the list is longer than listed below):
“Earning love is, of course, far more laborious than earning money”
“All these movies and songs are dreams”
“Shah Rukh, became a safe way for women to express their desire for a different reality”
“Radical change needs oxygen from each one of us”
“Because in telling me about when, how, and why they turn to Shah Rukh, they’re telling us about when, how and why the world breaks their heart.”
nidhantrika 